The Eligible Bachelors and Bachelorettes of Westeros!

So, having re-watched all of Game of Thrones over the past months, I’ve now finished it again (for the fourth time? wow I’m such a dork). And thought it would be fun to do a rundown of Game of Thrones most eligible Bachelors and Bachelorettes!

But before we get to our single and unmarried contestants, let’s look at the two couples that have declared their love and more or less seem to be a done deal.

I’m not including the Mother of Dragon / Jon Snow here, because despite boat sex they have alot of issues to work through before I’d say they’re off the market and ready to ride off into the susent (just to start with being aunt/ newphew, him being the “real” heir, her burning his BFF’s family to death, the north’s reaction to him bending the knee, the north not trusting Tagaryens etc. That’s without the fact that their “romance” is the most lackluster and unbelivable one GoT have produced in all it’s 7 seasons.)

So, anyways, GoT established cannon ships:

Missandei + Grey Worm

Sam + Gilley

Whether these couples will live to the end of the series is debatable (my bet is either Grey Worm or Missandei will meet their maker before the end of season 8 BUT that both Sam and Gilly and Little Sam will survive) but I count these characters as done deals and off the market.

Now let’s start with a list of Westeros most eligible bachelors

Jon Snow

Look at that cutie pie! No wonder all the ladies want him. Not only is he handsome, brooding and know “how to do that thing with his tongue” but also the real heir to the Iron Throne. Formerly King in the North and Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. Slightly obsessed with fighting the Night King and saving the world, but hey, everyone gotta have a hobby.

Jamie Lannister

Formerly of the King’s Guard, this hunky military man with a hand of gold is all about getting the job done and getting back to his BAE.  Once threw a child out a window, been hot and heavy with his sister for the past two or so decades but is newly single and born to one richest and most well-known families of Westeros. Since he’s finally determined to be on the side of good and now some might call him a real catch.

 Ser Jorah Mormont

This knight might be getting a bit old but he still got plenty of fight left him in. Sure, back in the days he sold some slaves, attempted to poison his Queen and just recently recovered from grayscale, but he’s loyal despite constantly being friend-zoned. Very much team!dragon this one.

Gendry (Baratheon)

This charming smith might have been born in the gutter but he’s got some powerful friends these days. Also kind of the heir to the Stormlands (if bastards counted…or someone legitimized him.) Good with a hammer, fantastic abs and those baby blues aren’t half bad either. One hell of a rower.

Euron Greyjoy

Perhaps calling this “King” an eligible bachelor is a bit of stretch but he sure is looking for a lady love. Somewhat crazy with a real passion for killing and maiming and one heck of a fleet (mysteriously built by people living on Islands free of trees) makes him a real catch for the right type of lady.

Tyrion Lannister

This smirking slightly vertically challenged rebel (who until this last year was one of the best military and political minds around) has a real knack for surviving even against impossible odds. Likes his wine but knows things so that makes it okay. Saved all of King’s Landing by blowing the bay up with Wildfire and strangled his ex and killed his dad but other than that he’s pretty much kept his nose clean. On team!dragon… right?

Bronn

Knighted, is owed a castle (or is it two?) by the Lannisters (and they always pay their debts, right?) and one heck of a fighter, A true friend to the highest bidder, saving you from Dragonfire and other dangers only found in Westeros, Bronn could possibly make some lady really (un)happy given the chance.

Tormund

This Wilding is a real man’s man. With his rugged red beard and rumbling accent, he’s sure to turn heads at parties. Not very interested in politics, but do enjoy killing people. May or may not have shagged a bear.

Podrick

Loyal, sweet and in possession of a magic cock. In training to become a knight. Almost adorable enough to rival a puppy. What more could a girl want?

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*Note: Theon not make the list, on the account of him lacking certain bits. And because he’s going to be too busy rescuing his sister and getting revenge on Euron to shack up with anyone. The Hound also didn’t make it on here too because I don’t think he’s really on the market.

Now on to the ladies

Sansa Stark

This tall redhead is the current Lady of Winterfell, preparing it and the North for the wars to come. Has had a bit of a rough go at it, spending most of her life surrounded by her enemies being betrothed and married off with more frequency than anyone else. Fed her ex-husband to his dogs and arranged a sham trial (and sentenced to death) her somewhat pedophilic super shady mentor but generally prefers lemon cakes and sewing to violence.

Brienne of Tarth

She might be able to kill you and have no interest in being called Lady, but if you’re looking for someone with a heart of gold and more honor than anyone – look no further than this built lady.

 Daenerys Targaryen

(First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons)

A silver-haired beauty (with too many names) has two terrifying (and beautiful?) dragons that she occasionally uses to burn people. Dreams of creating a better world once she’s taken the Iron Throne but has so far been a little iffy on her execution of both maintaining law and order in the places she’s conquered and waging war. Really hot. Impervious to fire. Good at making rousing speeches.

Arya Stark

So far has been very focused on killing the people on her list, but with her growing up, might she find time for some love? One never knows. As a member of House Stark and a formidable fighter, this little (possibly slightly sociopathic) firecracker might just be some guy’s dream!

Cersei Lannister

Last but not least, the current Queen of Westeros. A fan of blowing things up with Wildfire, fucking her relatives and making clever plans that tend to backfire on her. Pregnant with her brother’s fourth child and seems to favor the color black rather than the Lannister reds these days. Selfish and power hungry but did really love her children (before she got them all killed.)

* Note: I have no included the Red Woman in this nor Yara. The Red Woman because she’s actually old and kind of weird and scary and Yara because she’s more focused on taking back the Iron Island than shacking up with anyone.

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Who’s your favorite? Who marries who? (Does anyone marry anyone?) Who lives? Who dies? Did I forget any “eligible” characters? Who do you ship? Is there even a point in shipping anyone on GoT?

The Eligible Bachelors and Bachelorettes of Westeros!

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